Modern Beer Innovations: The Great and the Ridiculous

(Thomas Edison did NOT invent the beer helmet)

No one knows exactly how long beer has existed on this fine earth of ours. Its earliest recorded mention dates back about 8,000 years ago, and many historians believe it to be much older than that. Most likely, the fermentation of grain for the purpose of consumption was practiced independently by several early civilizations. Thus, it’s impossible to tell who exactly “invented” (or accidently discovered) this most wonderful of wonderful beverages.

We can, however, trace the history of modern brewing back quite a ways to see how ancient beer-making has slowly evolved into the intricate and fairly industrialized process we find today. From the first use of hops in the 800s, to the invention of the drum roaster and hydrometer in the early 1800s, to the discovery of pasteurization methods later that century, there are plenty of great beer-related innovations to speak of.  With the multitude of thorough and well-written resources (books and websites) detailing the history of brewing, we won’t delve deeply into any of that stuff right now.

What we will do is briefly highlight some of the useful inventions and innovations in the past hundred years or so that have enabled us to enjoy beer (hopefully craft beer) the way we do today. Afterwards, we’ll show some of the not so incredible (but maybe fun?) beer-related “innovations” of our time. Here we gooooo:

Some Great Beer Innovations of Recent Times…

The Beer Can

At some point in 1934, Stephen Watney of Watney, Combe & Reid, a major brewing business in London, said, “I am not convinced that there would be any demand in this country for beer in cans. I cannot conceive the idea of a can ever replacing the half pint, pint or quart bottle. The canning habit is certainly growing, but I do not think it will spread to drinks.”

Well, in January of 1935, Krueger introduced the first canned beer unto the market (in Virginia) and soon most of the major breweries in the US jumped on the bandwagon. By the end of that year, 200 million cans of beer had been sold.

Canned beer was popularized by the big national and regional breweries, and still remains popular today. In general, it’s also cheaper and more sustainable to produce than bottled beer (with an average of 69% of all aluminum cans being recycled). Only recently have craft beer brewers started canning their creations, with Oskar Blues leading the way (popularizing stronger brews such as Old Chub and Ten Fidy). With other major craft breweries such as 21st Amendment, Brooklyn, Brewdog and Surly following suit, it’s only a matter of time before we see a massive canned craft beer revolution in the US and abroad.

The Draught Beer System

The draught beer system began with the invention of the beer engine in 1785 (by Englishman Joseph Bramah), which allowed for the pumping of beer from casks through taps. These beer pumps soon after became the most common way of serving beer (before that, beer was served directly from the casks to the customers).

The modern draught system was first implemented in the early 20th century, with the invention of the pressurized keg. From the artificially carbonated keg (which would be refrigerated), a colder and more lively beer could be drawn fairly quickly. The vast majority of beer taps these days are standard keg draughts for serving chilled beer. The Campaign For Real Ale movement in the early 1970s, however, helped ensure that the classic cask ale pumping system remained alive. These days, many craft beer bars serve a selection of cask ales drawn at room temperature through pumps similar to Joseph Bramah’s original invention.

The Kegerator

Kegerators, which are essentially residential home draught systems, probably first appeared in the early 1900s when commercial refrigeration units were going into production. They weren’t really seen much until post-WWII, however, and are only now seeing a huge resurgence due to the spreading popularity of home-brewing.

These devices for serving cold and fresh commercially bought or home-brewed beer can be purchased as all-in-one units online. For those who love a challenge (as brewers often do) they can also be crafted out of fridges and freezers by adding collars and tap handles.

At this point, we assume a majority of home brewers and serious craft beer enthusiasts have at least entertained the idea of buying or making a kegerator. We have! Please send donations…

The Crown Bottle Cap

The first version of the crown bottle cap was originally patented in the US in 1892 by William Painter. Before this, most beer was corked up like wine and fastened with a muselet (wire cage). The bottle cap allowed for safe and easy opening with the aid of a bottle opener, and also allowed the beer to maintain freshness and carbonation. It also reduced the amount of lost eyeballs from freak cork popping accidents.

Many craft beer brewers still package some of their more expensive creations (especially Belgian styles with champagne yeast) in corked bottles. Point them away from your friends and family!

The Keychain Bottle Opener

Some may say that the keychain bottle opener promotes drinking and driving. We say this is pure nonsense. Anyone who is stupid enough to drink and drive will do so without any extra help from an easily accessible bottle opener.

We love keychain bottle openers for their convenience at parties, for their casual collectibility, and for their purpose as items of self-expression.

…And Some Not-So-Great Beer “Innovations”:

With beer being the second most popular drink in the world (after tea), lord knows many folks will try their hand at inventing new ways to store, carry, and drink it. Here are some of the sillier beer-related “innovations” of recent times:

The Beer Belly

Looking for a way to sneak your favorite terrible beer into the ballpark so you don’t have to pay $8 for a cup of it? Then get the Beer Belly, which allows you to hide a bladder of beer in a fake beer gut, from which you can take sips through a long tube.

Don’t worry: even though the beer may go flat extremely quickly after you pour it into the storage device, it might stay fairly cold against your belly with the insertion of a cold pack. The perfect solution for cheap sports-loving alcoholics who don’t mind drinking swill.

There’s also a version for women called the WineRack.  Seriously.

The Beer Helmet

Some cursory research on the intertubes seems to suggest that the amazing beer helmet was invented by a guy named Joseph Gumbo. Whether this is true or not, who can say? If you know more, speak up in the comments, please!

What we do know is that the beer helmet is a really strange way to show your support for a sports team. Really, what says, “go team” like quickly drinking two Bud Lights simultaneously through a straw? What makes you forgot who you’re rooting for faster than drinking a few beer helmets worth of warm, shitty beer?

The Beer Bong

What’s the fastest and most unpleasant way to end up in the emergency room from alcohol poisoning after a dorm room party? The beer bong! Yay!

Really, who ever invented this thing needs to be locked up. The beer bong has probably sent as many idiotic college students to the hospital as it has gotten people laid. Multi beer bongs like the one to the left are especially silly…

Big Beer Advertising Gimmicks

How do the big beer companies outdo each other in the market? Do they improve the taste of their products? Bring in higher quality ingredients? Respect the intelligence of their consumers? Hell no! They just create pointless “innovations” to help advertise the same bland liquids.

Some “innovations” include: Miller’s vortex bottle, which has super-awesome grooves around the neck that make the beer pour a little more chaotically into your plastic cup; Coors’ wide-mouth vented can which allows to you drink that nasty beer more quickly so that you don’t have to taste it as much; and Coord’ cold activated cans, bottles and boxes, which alert you visually whether or not you’re about to consume a cold product (just in case you lack a sense of touch). Update: Bud Light has just introduced high-tech write-on labels which are sure to change the world of beer drinking forever! Great job guys!

 

Amazingly, more is spent every year on these marketing ploys than goes into all independent breweries’ operational costs combined. Oh well. We think you should ignore all this crapvertising and just go out and buy good beer instead.

The StubbyShute

The StubbyShute stores all of your beer cozies (or stubby holders) for easy dispensing. No more closets and cupboards filled with unsightly stubbies.

Nothing against the StubbyShute, really, but it does seem pretty redundant. And also, it’s not very pretty…just a big plastic tube that sticks on your fridge or hangs on your wall. Perhaps we just don’t understand the extreme importance of the “stubby holder” as much as our good friends in Australia do.

The StubbyShute reminds us fondly of The Bag Hutch (NSFW), though, which is a big plus.

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Obviously, there are tons of other great and not-so-great beer innovations that we didn’t have time to get to. Let us know about them in the comments!